41 attendees including hosts, facilitators.
13 dreams
44 associations

Dream 1: In a parking lot ready to go camping along several people. A poor white family is across from him, rambling about his license plate. He was from a different place. Then he approaches them and people move out and son pulls a gun into him.  He was afraid he would say the wrong thing and he will be shot at. Get his head blown off. He couldn’t concentrate on anything.

Association 1:  An infamous black and white photograph of Vietnam war with a young man having his head blown off with a gun by an officer.

Association 2: Cartoon with a head being blown off the shoulders, something unreal. Unreality about it.

Association 3: The gun and being in a different place.  New situation raging in a country. Conflict between India and China. Heightened emotion about China. China being the evil.

Dream 2: She had to sell her house. She decided to visit the streets behind the house before selling. She saw a large field with lots of green grass. It was very surprising. A field she had never noticed before. She was wearing a gold Rolex watch. She was worried that the Rolex was too bright in the field. She felt she needed to take it off, not to be attacked just for the watch. At the end she is attacked by some people and she lost the golden Rolex.

Association 4: Danger lies behind us.

Association 5: Terrorist attacks that took place in UK during the weekend. How could anyone do that during Corona?

Association 6: Danger in the past.

Association 7: Anxiety of the loss of these SDM’s.  A place to have your head, to think, to concentrate, being blown off, cut off, fall off.

Association 8: The golden Rolex is associated with time thieves that are all around.

Dream 3: In a helicopter with three people trying to rescue a dog that is about to eat some chocolate brownies and if he eats them he will die. The owner gives medical protective equipment to enter to the building and at the end the protective clothes was suffocating.  The choke us we can’t breathe.

Association 9:  Two boxes with dead heads

Association 10: Precautions taken are suffocating.

Dream 4:  Large festive occasion in North America. Its sunny, beautiful, lively. It seems to be at a business school. There are lots of young people. He is there to facilitate or plan something. A feeling of excitement and nervousness.

Association 11:  Excitement and nervousness of coming out of lockdown. Excitement to see people and nervousness about what can it entail, what does it mean.

Association 12: Black lives matter movement and reparations; being told you can’t breathe; celebration of Juneteenth.

Association 13: Dichotomy, question something or not.  What to choose between Joy and Fear. There is nothing to celebrate.

Dream 5: In an airport perhaps Heathrow. It is full of kiosks, people selling things he hears a doctor or physician being told a list of symptoms. He thinks the symptoms seemed similar to his own.

Association 14:  Film: The boy who harnessed the wind. When someone dies there are people that come and dance with the grief. Is that grief or a celebration or are both the same?

Dream 6: A beautiful fresh pink flower. It seems to have 4 petals. It resonates with death as a celebration.

Dream 7: On a boat with two men. She needs to use the bathroom. There was a blue sweater in the toilet. She wants to remove it, in order to move it. Everything was open, no partition. She thought, I just have to adapt.

Association 15: The ecstasy of Wilko Johnson. When he found out he was going to die. He felt a relief, out of his misery. When he found out he was not going to die, misery came back, ecstasy left.

Association 16:  In a garden when things flower the vegetables get bitter. They are beautiful but you cannot eat them anymore. They are bitter.

Association 17:  Work of Vamik Volkan. Who wrote about chosen glory and chosen trauma.

Dream 8:  I am editing a manuscript. I have two versions in black folders. I am trying to decide if the new version is any better than the old.

Dream 9: Sitting around a round table with three friends. A drone approach them. She knew that the drone was targeting her, singling her out. There were lots of books, dvd’s, she doesn’t want them, doesn’t know how to return them. They were left to her by the drone claiming a subscription but she didn’t want them.

Association 18: Many of the associations experienced feel like she was targeted with feelings, thoughts experiences, targeted at her. She doesn’t know what to do with them.

Dream 10: Classroom, a French class. Two people. One is a nun instructor. She is deciding whether to enter or not. Her 16-year old son is there with really long toenails. She wants to cut his toenails. But he doesn’t want her to do it.

Association 19:  Fear of further strengthening of non-profit industrial complex.

Association 20: Shame and guilt. Being unsure of being safe in what you have. The power of envy in the other.

Association 21: This morning she had to attend an administrative meeting and she was happy that she didn’t need to do it in real life. (Two manuscripts)

Association 22: The Celestine’s prophecy, the collective coincidences (with two manuscripts).

Association 23: power of envy with the character Hulk. How the feeling of envy develops post dependency on the mother.

Association 24: Dependency on the mother but also dependency and connection with this matrix.

Association 25: Envy, connected with the father in the parking lot. He is in rivalry with another son for a father that is not his on.

Association 26: Dependency on the matrix. Silence that feels sleepy, making him feel disconnected from the matrix which made him sad and reconnect after which he finds hard to concentrate.

Dream 11: Attending a conference. Husband giving a Keynote Speech. He asked her to identify herself come to the stage and announce that he will make a virtual reality experiment with her. He gives her the virtual reality lens.

Dream 12:  Overcrowded space of poetry, difficult to find space. A hospital is also crowded. Medical staff announce the reception of authorisation for him. He finds himself then in a wrong room, wrong place, right building. He starts speaking about an evaluation,  exploring how differential aptitudes are being evaluated. Wakes up giving some kind of lecture.

Association 27: Young men popping up in the dreams. The son with the gun, the son with the toe nails. Older generations wanting to control the youth, wanting them to get rid of the gun or cut the toe nails, but they decide this is how I am going to do it.

Association 28: Tik-Tok followers sabotaging Trump rallies on Saturday.

Association 29: How Rolex is the official time keeper of all sort of sports. Mind went to watch and the watchful state of mind. Then into Rethink a BBC project. Can we be watchful of where the thinking is leading us.

Association 30: Her relationship with control, dependency, interdependency. Which is the room to be along and together if the place is Mother Earth. (In connection with wrong room, wrong place, right building)

Association 31: Rolex and Mother Earth. Remind of a meeting with a Tribal person saying you have a watch but you don’t have time.

Association 32: Virtual reality as if reality can be something else then real. We put something to be less real…Tik-Tok what is real what isn’t real in different time.

Association 33: Experimenting virtual reality, as nearly reality. SDM is an experiment in virtual reality, like in real reality it inspires the same feelings including envy.

Association 34: What can we afford in reality and in virtual reality.

Dream 13: His wife had another baby and return to work. He was to look after the baby and it felt a very strange experience to have a baby at that stage of life. He is holding the baby in his arm and he decides to take him home in a taxi. Two Indian women came in the taxi with him, there was not enough room so he gets out. He finds himself in the road saying, how am I going to take care of this baby?

Association 35:  Rolex has been associated to official time, real time. For him it resonates to luxury, something that you don’t need, that it is useless.

Association 36: The last dream took him to the beginning of the session and the first dream. In the last dream something was being said about something very young and deep inside us that we are desperately trying to protect as in for survival.

Association 37: Virtual reality may refer to an invention. Reality plus imagination. What could become, what could be develop, what could we want to develop in the new normal?

Association 38: The concept of virtual reality with Lacan the real and the symbolic.

Association 39: What to develop in the new normal? He received a wonderful photograph of his granddaughter who is mixed race with her beautiful hair. She was holding  a wonderful poster saying black lives have always mattered and we don’t have much time. He was immensely proud. He shared it with a colleague. This is the new norm of a younger generation not his generation.

Association 40: Bion and to be able to think under fire. Taking care of the baby making him think of the containing function.

Association 41: There is more outside noise in the session. Something that wants to come from outside the matrix trying to get into the matrix.

Association 42: Difficulty to feel in the body. She looks to her bookshelf and sees three books. Body world, Body Works and the top of the world.

Association  43: Three words and a tune playing. It seemed like Beatles: “In my life”. There are places I remember all my life… these memories lose their meaning when I think in love as something new… it evoke the feeling of loving the soul and the heart more.

Association  44: The album is called Rubber Soul.

Association  45: Deeply touched by the question ‘how do I take care of the baby?’.

Association  44: Baby and vulnerability. How to take care of the vulnerability that is inside each other. Then thinking on Lacan. That were the Other is, I shall be

Review 

  • Disconnection with feelings until question how to take care of the baby.
  • Disconnection, wondering about a source of paralysation of feelings. Still amount of sanitisation. The trauma is still very present.
  • What are the feelings that we refuse to hear and refuse to feel? Difficulties to live with the burden of what was said.
  • Lots of feelings, and hope to the review, what kind of manuscript we will write together how to hold the different dichotomies presented. The matrix was a place of reflection and a source for resilience and interdependence as opposed to reaction.
  • How to take care of this new something that is being born?
  • Lots of feelings in the dreams and resistance to the new generation coming. Association to killing the old generation and welcoming the new one.
  • Symbolism of watch and bullet to the head reminds to associations of transitions. Harvesting Oysters before time? Time offers to connect or disconnect in virtual reality.
  • The heart is singing the head is losing. How to take the voice of the heart and express it?  Loss and gratitude in the matrix. Gratitude for this Matrix in a difficult and explosive time.
  • Taking care of the baby as caring for the baby or as taking care as a gangster takes care of someone
  • How to take SDM forward in another place. Is it a gift or would it be stealing?
  • Difficulties concentrating.
  • Virtual reality, reality, what is reality? What generation is real? What way of being present is real?
  • Struggle of the ending of these sessions.
  • Ending of the morning, ending of the evening,
  • Beginnings and endings.
  • Tik-Tok as a different way of time.
  • Time loops.
  • A gold watch is what you get when you retired.

Blog compiled by Mónica Velarde Lazarte, Jean Cooper and Juliet Scott

Image: Responsibility by Juliet Scott, 2019

Join the conversation! 1 Comment

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    From wiki- The Kleinian psychoanalytic school of thought, of which Melanie Klein was a pioneer, considers envy to be crucial in understanding both love and gratitude.

    Klein defines envy as “the angry feeling that another person possesses and enjoys something desirable – the envious impulse being to take it away or to spoil it” (projective identification). (Klein 1984, p176). Envy leads the child to phantasise about entering the primal good object (the good breast) and debase the good object specifically because it is good. The good object is internalised, becoming part of the child’s ego, so roles are reversed from the pre-natal state as the mother is now inside the infant. This phantasy is a manifestation of the death instinct, where bad feelings are directed towards both good and bad objects, leading to confusion between the two (Hinshelwood, 1989).

    Klein further defines envy as an innate “expression of destructive impulses” meaning it is present from birth, and that it has a “constitutional basis”, implying it is resistant to change.

    Kleinian gratitude is diametrically opposed to envy, as envy expresses destructive drives and is usually aimed at the object that provides gratification. Therefore envy can be seen to lessen or destroy gratitude towards the good object. Gratitude is the particular affect towards an object that produces appreciation or satisfaction.

    Like envy, gratitude is inborn and crucial in developing the primal relationship between mother (the good object) and child. It is also the basis for the child perceiving goodness in others and herself. “The sense of an object being available and freely given arouses care, consideration and gratitude for the object itself as part of the life instinct.” (Hinshelwood 1989)

    Gratitude felt towards the good object shapes the child’s capacity for love in subsequent love relationships throughout life. If the envy aimed at the nourishing breast is intense, full gratification is obstructed because envy destroys and desecrates that which is good.

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